sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
