That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
