He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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