I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
