I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
