i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
