my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
