he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I miss vodka workout Fridays
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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