So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
