my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
