4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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