just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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