The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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