Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
