It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
