You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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