k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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