I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
