O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
