From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
