my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
