don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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