my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
