Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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