You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
