How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can vaginas get frostbite?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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