Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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