We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
