somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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