Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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