I think my vagina is haunted
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
