I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
