I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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