so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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