My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
