I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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