my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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