Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
