How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
