Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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