My nipple is on Facebook.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
