it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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