Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize