I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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