Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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