Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
