According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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