This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
