Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
