What did we do last night that was yellow?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
