Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
