wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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