Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
