She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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