Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
