You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i think my cat just said my name.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
