I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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