So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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