Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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