i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
