Pants 0. Shit 1.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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