I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
