Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
