I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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