I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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