I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
