i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
