i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
