...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
