But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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