If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
