break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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