Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
