Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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