best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
