i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
