we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
